It's Miller Time.

I'm on my way to go sit outside on the porch of the bar J and I work and finish my friend Kathleen's one-skein scarf that I started in April. Just a couple hours of double crochet and it's done! I also have work to do for the museum, so I'll have my laptop with me too. Will I get work done? Probably not. Will I crochet and drink Miller Lite? You can count on it.

 

I love technology

Picture me singing that like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite. I just got an iPhone and boy do I feel dumb. I'm trying to set it up now, when I should be doing my laundry. I wanted to set the Apps before I threw my laundry in, cause I was going to play with it while I sat at the bar next to the laundromat.

Fast forward: Okay, so now it's two days later. I was going to finish my post, but I was about to be locked out out of the laundromat. This phone is rad. It does everything. It was funny because Mr. Flight played with mine and bought his own the next day. It's even funnier because he's the "I don't have cable" variety. I'm really glad though because that means I can just ask him how to do stuff rather than have to figure it out myself. I mentally check out around electronics. The downside is Mr. Flight hasn't looked up from the phone since he got it in his hot little hands. It's kind of cute though, he's all super jazzed about it. The phone also takes really good pictures and ever since I moved into my new apartment, I haven't been able to find my camera. (Note the the lack of pictures on the ol' blogger lately.) So problem solved on the lost camera for now.

I'm starving to death. Kubiac eat now. (Parker Lewis Can't Lose, anyone?)

I hope I can finish this post before my brain explodes.

post deleted. TMI

Say my name, say my name...

So every time I hear my last name it makes me want to hurl. Walking around with my soon to be ex-husbands last name is grossing me out. I need to change it, but I don't want to use my maiden name either. My maiden name (like from back when I was a fair maiden? What a stupid archaic thing to call it) is my father's last name and my mom and him split when I was a baby. He is total degenerate and I haven't seen or heard from him in over 15 years. When I was about to get married I was thrilled to get rid of that name, but I cannot stand to use my ex's name for much longer. When I give tours at work and I say my name it's hard to get out of my mouth. I stopped calling myself "Mrs." which was a weird feeling. Do I say Miss? I think that since I was married I am a "Ms." by default.
Anyway, I decided to use my mother's maiden name. It's a cute name and sounds very British. (Well, because it is. It reminds me of Miss Moneypenny from James Bond.) I have been digging around for my birth certificate and I hope that is enough to change my name. My concern is that I'd be changing my name to something I've never been called before, and I don't know if there are extra steps I have to take. Oh boy am I looking forward to fun filled day at the Social Security office! What a horrorshow that place is. I can't wait to get a new driver's license! I never thought I could feel so good, so soon after something that I thought was supposed to be traumatic.

I've returned from restructuring.

So, where have I been? I'm getting divorced. 
Rest of post deleted. TMI-8/18/13

Life is short.

post deleted. Divorce TMI 8/18/13

Fin!

With my husband anxiously looking over my shoulder, I finished the "Priest Zombie" last night:

I redid the eyes that I burned (see yesterday's post for more on the priest zombie) and decided to needle felt the white collar thing, cross and blood.

Here's the "Priest Zombie" and the "Corporate Zombie" at home on a shelf in our kitchen:

As long as we're talking priests here, you may have noticed the nice picture of the Virgin Mary below the shelf:

Or was it Jesus?

It's basically the sweetest Jesus/Mary hologram ever, courtesy of the Pennsauken Mart (read: dirt mall in Jersey). When I went to my friend Bonnie's house for the first time years ago and saw the same Jesus/Mary hologram thing on the wall, I knew we were soul mates.

I don't feel secure at all!

Yesterday I took the day off work to support Mr. Fight as he applied for disability. Oh, yes. A fun day at the Social Security Office was had by all. Yes, the one downtown. To kill time in the waiting room husband was going from person to person and making up reasons why each person was there. The Social Security Office downtown is usually full of some pretty interesting, uh, "characters".

I won't go into detail about what he was saying because it was pretty rude, but there was a Wolf man (think Eddie Munster) and some Mickey Rourke looking guy with a leather jacket with all the fringe and silver circular things hanging from it, so you can use your imagination. It was pretty funny. Before anyone gets upset, let me tell you my husband was looking like no prize. He was in rare form actually. He went bald in high school (yeah but he also had giant mutton chop sideburns in middle school) and he always shaves his head and wears a hat. Always. Even around the house. In his mind, he thought it would be a good idea to make himself look as pathetic as possible for his disability interview. He let his hair grow out for a few weeks and it was all scraggly and he didn't wear a hat. It was full on male pattern baldness on a 26 year old. I've never seen him like that. I mean, I don't give a shit if he's bald or not, but it's funny to see your husband with a "look" you don't know. He also has been growing this crazy beard all winter, which is now like 3 inches off his face and looked really nice with the hairdo. The decision isn't up to the lady who interviewed him, so looking pathetic wouldn't really help or hurt his case I don't think, but it was funny to see him cultivate this "pathetic look".

Anyway, Mr. Fight had to recount every job he has ever had since he was 14 in 1998. The lady was asking him stuff like how much money did he make at each job and what type of hours did he work. He didn't even remember some of the jobs! After that he had to go over all of his health care info like every doctor he's seen since 1998. I can see how people would get discouraged and overwhelmed at all the paperwork and the quantity of information you have to gather. I'm ready though. I am ready to fill out every form they throw at me until my husband has the benefits he needs and deserves. So in 6 months I should have a decision and if he gets denied I have to appeal it and get a court date. I was told that takes up to two years.

I know this will be a long process and I will probably be frustrated and overwhelmed myself, but I feel good that the wheels are in motion. I have a little bit of hope that my husband and I will begin to live a normal life within the next few years. The last six years of my life have been such a roller coaster with him, learning more and more about how sick he really is as it became harder and harder for him to hide it from me. We just want the same kinds of things that other people want; a home, a family and our next meal.

Farmer's Market!

One of my new favorite ways to save money is to buy most of our groceries at the farmer's market. There is one about 25 minutes from my house and there are other fun things to look at there (besides produce) so the trip does double duty as weekend entertainment.

I know that we're not supposed eat carbs any more, God forbid, but I am in love with this bread:

To make it even worse, I've been eating practically nothing but this bread and butter for the past two days. I figure since it's fresh and not jammed full of chemicals it will go stale soon, so I must enjoy all of it's deliciousness right away! And yes, I know you're jealous of my chartreuse counter tops. (I actually love them! I have the big pink Kitchenaid stand mixer and other pink kitchen stuff and it looks oh-so-cute on the pukey yellow green counters! Squeal!)

I also got all of these fruits and veggies:

1. 3 apples
2. 4 red plums
3. 2 orange peppers ($1.49 a pound!!!!)
4. buttload of sweet potatoes ($.39 a pound!!!!)
5. 2 eggplants
6. romaine lettuce ($.89!)
7. bag o' garlic ($.99!)

I don't know how much all the other stuff cost per pound, but the whole table full cost only $10.60! Amazing!

Thank you farmer's market!

What better way to celebrate...

My husband celebrated his 26th birthday on this week and as a result, he got a little cash from his dad. I resisted the urge to snatch it all away to pay bills, because I indulge in things like yarn and crafty supplies now and again, so he got himself a present. (We don't really buy each other gifts, except for something small at Christmas. I mean he's on unemployment, I don't make much money, so why would we buy each other gifts? So we can have less money to eat food? I consider our home a gift, the fact that I have a cell phone a gift, the computer and Internet I'm using right now a gift. We get gifts everyday!)

What did my husband choose for his birthday present? Friday the 13th, part 3, 3d! This cover art is pretty radical, although it's actually from the soundtrack, not the movie.

The movie came with 3d glasses, so this was totally us:

Oh, p.s., the 3d glasses were printed to look like a hockey mask. Radical x 2.

The first person killed is poor Edna, who gets a knitting needle through her skull! How tragic! (I like her knitting basket.) Now that I think about it, a dude may have gotten killed before Edna, but that would have been in the beginning part of the movie that overlapped with part 2.

The 3d was throughout the whole movie, not just in a few scenes like some 3d movies. There was tons of "eye-popping" shit like this:



"Hey guys, wanna smoke this joint?" Whooooaaaa. Awesome! It was like I was there.



This movie ruled. Happy Birthday Mr. Fight! And happy Friday the 13th!

Good news!

I usually hate opening my mail because I know it's mostly bills I can't pay and threatening letters from credit card people. However, yesterday I got a little gift in the mail! It was from the Pennsylvania Department of Labor and Industry and they told me that my husband's unemployment is getting extended again! Yippee! I can still live in my apartment! For 20 more weeks at least! Freaking awesome. I am really happy that I know that we're going to be okay for a little while longer, but I am eagerly awaiting the day that we can have a little financial stability. I don't care if we're still broke, but I just want to know what I'm working with. I can't wait to get all the credit card people off my ass, but I don't want to start cleaning up those aspects of my life until I can properly budget for them. Right now, it's rent, gas and electric (okay, and TV, my cell phone and the Internet, I'm not a monk). Thanks for listening.

Now for some not so good news. But it is for the best. I will be taking a break from roller derby, possibly for now, possibly for ever. I really need to focus on my life at home and what's best for my husband. Being a part of roller derby has changed me forever and I will be forever grateful that I was able to be a part of something so amazing. Thank you for everything derby sisters! On the bright side, the women all over the world who are involved in roller derby are so amazing that I know it will be around if and when I am ready to return.

A year in review.

I suppose it's time for the "new year's post". Yes, it's a little late. I am looking forward to having a good year. 2008 was not my year. I can't say it was all bad, many wonderful things happened in the past year, but it definitely had it's downside...

I did not expect Mr. Fight to still be unemployed. He was let go in March and he still hasn't found anything. To be fair, he did not start looking until, I'd say August. His mother passed away in late 2007 and he took it really hard. He went into a bad funk and by March he got fired for calling out. This did not help his funky funk. I told him to take some time to himself and sort of get it together, reevaluate his medication, etc. THEN start looking for a new job. I've been down this road enough to know that trying to shove him right back out the door and off to a new job wouldn't really be productive. He'd likely end up losing the new job and feeling worse than if he had just waited til he was better able to be a good employee. So since August my dear husband has been looking for a job and there is nothing! There is only a few crappy jobs that pay like $8 an hour. My husband has gone to apply for these crappy jobs, since $8 is more than the couch pays him to sit on it per hour. He never got a call! He was applying to work at a thrift store unloading a truck or something. I bet they are just so inundated with applicants since there is nothing better listed in the papers. Gah. The good news is that they keep extending his unemployment. That has to end sometime, though, and when it does, we are F-U-C-K-E-D. But enough about that.

Honestly, if I had no money woes, things would be all gravy. I bet a lot of people could say that, though, huh? I'd like to add here, though, that I don't totally mind being poor. Well, sometimes. It makes me really appreciate everything I have and it has made me learn what a necessity truly is (sort of...) Of course I still consider thing necessities that really aren't (hello nicotine!), but I've learned to do with out so much that I may have been used to. The biggest thing that has sucked about the last year is how bad I jacked up my credit score. I used to have a good score but when Mr. Fight got canned, I STOPPED PAYING ALL MY CREDIT CARD BILLS! Oh my god right? I am such a freaking low life dead beat. So gross. The truth was, I didn't have the money! Who'd have thought!? After we went down to one (meager) income, it was us and the cats being homeless or paying the credit card bills, so I made my choice. I figured that when he got a job again, I'd do that debt consolidation whatever. Until then, I haven't heard much about debtor's prison lately so hopefully, I'm cool.

On the upside: I love my husband. I love my family. I love my cats. I love my home (so I hope I get to keep it).

Here's looking at you 2009!

On the Homefront

Well, things could be better. I haven't posted anything yet about the shit storm that is my personal life, but here's a little taste. I work for peanuts and my husband has been out of work since March. I've been paying to keep up his health insurance since he has expensive medical issues, specifically crippling anxiety and depression (which is why he's currently out of work). I found out last week that Mr. Fight's health insurance got cancelled because I paid the bill too late. Well, I paid the bill too late because my husband doesn't have a job and I'm trying to keep us not homeless and I just did not have the money. Bummer. The real pisser is that all the stuff I have to pay for now without the insurance costs MORE than the money I didn't have to pay for the insurance. Grrr....

On the bright side, normally it's a chore to hide all the gaps in my husband's employment history when I update his resume, but at least this time the economy being in the toilet sort of helps cover his tracks. He's not like some low-life who doesn't want to work, he just has a hard time keeping jobs. He gets all worked up over something or another going on in his life or at home and he wants to call out of work because he's so overwhelmed with whatever. Then he's all freaked out that everyone at work is talking about what a loser he is for calling out, which makes him afraid to go back, so he calls out for a week or more, ultimately ending in him getting canned. That's pretty much the cycle. It's hard.

Right now he is looking for a job, but there is really nothing in the paper. He's been looking since August or so. After he got fired this last time in March, I told him to take some time, go to the doctor and try to get a little bit of control back in his life. He's been on every anxiety/depression medication I've ever heard of and none of it seems to help him. What happens is, he feels like shit so he goes to the doctor and they say, "Maybe we should try something else".

Then he has to take the new pills for however long it takes for them to kick in and for him to get used to them. Then he doesn't know how he feels because he can't tell if his body is still getting used to the pills, or the dose isn't right or the combination isn't right. All he knows is that he never feels good. It's not that he wants to feel happy all the time, it's just that he wants to feel not overwhelmed by feelings of being a total failure and obsessing over ever tiny thing that is going bad in his life. I can't imagine how hard it must be for him to be so miserable all the time. I mean, I'm certainly not happy with where I am in life and certainly thought I'd have made something better of myself, but I'm not so consumed by these thoughts that I just can't get up and function. I get up and go to work because someone has to.

He has some breakdown along the way where he can't "suck it up" and look at the big picture. The consequences of his actions aren't what's important to him in that moment, it's not doing whatever the next thing is he would have to do-like go to work or to a family party. He just wants to curl up in a little funk and not leave the house, see people, go to the store, anything. He goes on like this for months until someone (him or the doctor) finally says, "Maybe we should try something else."